My friend Ryk was hospitalized for an extended time recently, throwing a wrench into plans to celebrate his son’s birthday. In an effort to ease the sting, he asked on social media for people to share birthday greetings. I sent an ecard (graphic above; I hope I’m not violating copyright).
The incident reminded me of a story that goes around on social media from time to time. A teacher invites a sage to visit a class and impart wisdom. The sage writes on the board,
“EVERYONE WANTS TO SAVE THE WORLD, BUT NO ONE WANTS TO HELP MOM DO THE DISHES.”
(attributed to P. J. O’Rourke)
The sage reminds students that they are unlikely ever to rescue a child from a burning building. However, he added, simple acts of kindness can have a profound impact. A smile. Holding the door for the person behind you. Shoveling snow for your neighbor. They change that person’s world.
I had started to pat myself on the back for my little birthday greeting when I realized that, really, Ryk was the one who opened the door here. By inviting his friends to acts of kindness, he had himself committed one.
A great example to set for his children. And for all of us.
I lived in Australia for a couple of years, and one summer I went back for a visit. I stayed with my former landlady Joanie and her family, with whom I’d been close. They had introduced me to fish ‘n’ chips wrapped in newspaper; I introduced them to iced tea.
Joanie was happy to see me again. “And look,” she said. “We’re all set to celebrate your holiday on the 4th of July.” She opened the freezer door to reveal a turkey.
She had remembered the date. She had gone to some trouble to get a turkey, not, at the time, a popular meat in Australia. I made pumpkin pie, and we gave thanks for the freedom to be together, share stories, and catch up.
As your brats sizzle on the grill, don’t mind me. I’m over here in the corner with scones, jam, and tea. And turkey.
The meme begins with a call for a return to kindness and care for others. That’s something we can all get behind, right?
But then it turns into something ugly. “I’m going to make a bet, that out of my family and friends, less than 4 will take the time to put this on their wall.”
Put in simpler terms: the post starts by saying, “We need to be nice to each other.” Then it switches to say, “But most of you are jerks.”
The second part is a sucker punch to the first part.
I’ve been seeing a lot of this lately, and it needs to stop. If we want the world to become a more positive place, we need to stop leading with “nice” and following up with “obnoxious.” Look at these examples:
It starts with “Let’s not complain” and ends by complaining (“no one follows directions … they don’t read the post fully.”)
Here’s another one.
We can all get behind Autism acceptance, a worthy cause. But look at the second sentence: “I’m pretty sure I know the ones who will, but I’d like to be surprised by more of you.” Translation: Most of you won’t, but go ahead, surprise me. I dare you.
How does a smug, in-your-face challenge engender goodwill for someone else?
Another one, this time with a twist: accountability.
Certainly mental health issues deserve respect. But how does being disrespectful to friends (“… less than 4 will take the time…”) help raise awareness of mental health difficulties?
One more.
“I know many of you do not give a crap about this message because, the cancer has not affected you.” Look, you can’t have it both ways, meme writers and sharers. Either you’re asking for help or you’re being rude to your online friends. Even those who are honestly care are unlikely to respond to these angry words to “support, respect, and remember.”
If we want to live in a better world, we can start by refusing to share memes like these.
If we want to live in a kinder world, we need to be kind intentionally. As the first meme says, “We gotta do better.”
And before this conversation is hijacked, let me address what I’ve deliberately left out:
The effectiveness of posting something online to raise awareness is irrelevant here. I’m only looking at the one-two punch in so many of them.
The lapses in standard writing style in these memes? Irrelevant here.
These posts are often copied/pasted or shared, leaving behind a trail of personal information that can be used for malicious purposes. That’s a serious problem, but it’s irrelevant here.
